Today I found something out which really got to me...

I've been teaching a group of five 8 to 10 year olds how to sail this week and they've been a great group. Lively, keeping me on my toes, witty, and everything you'd want them to be on such a course.

In such groups you always have a favourite, perhaps it's bad but in this particular case it was a 10 year old lad - daft, enthusiastic, hyperactive and a bit camp, he did very well at sailing and we even managed to get him a major piece in a news feature (The news were in today doing the "in your area" stuff).

Anyway, I was talking to one of the mums saying how well they'd all done and said how that particular boy should consider joining a theatre/dramatic society sort of thing as I thought he'd enjoy it. It then transpired his mother had died before Christmas, the day before my Grandmother died to be exact.

I just couldn't understand how he could either be, or come across as so happy... I was a wreck for a good few months after our family loss, but if it was my mother who had died, I know I still would be a wreck, and probably for a lot longer. Poor thing...

Edit: On a side note, one of my friends lost his mother due to alcoholism a few years ago - I don't think he's ever got over it, he's in the wrong crowd at the moment and I can seriously see him getting locked up in the near future. Shame... he was lovely, too.

It's very simpe - his age. At that age, while he will still miss and grieve for his mother, he will bounce back quicker.

I'm guessing he's also had a solid support base around him during the grieving process.

I was cut up for a long time when my gran died......
My grandad died in january 2006 and im still not over it properly....

But I dont dwell on it, I didnt/dont walk around with a sad expression on my face, I could/can still laugh and joke when with others, as like this young lad im sure, I can compartmentalise my thoughts and concentrate on the matter at hand at any given time....rather than focus soley on my grief and destroy myself completely

I bet when this lad is on his own and he feels its private, then he'll think about his mum....and mourn her loss in his own way..... thats what I do!

Thanks for the replies. I was just talking to someone now about this post and I was horrified to hear that it's come across as if I am somehow angry or upset that he's showing no emotion (I tell a lie, he did shed a few tears but blamed it on being 'sick', I only pieced it all together after I learned what had happened).

The reason why I was so touched was firstly because he was such a sweet kid and how terrible that it would happen to him, and secondly how he's found either the strength or the acting skills (he's definitely the type to end up on stage ) to pull off the "it's okay" and carry on as normal. I wouldn't have been able to go out, but the fact he can shows more strength than I have. If that makes sense.

I think the title "How could you be so happy" was the first clue to you seeming horrified..... as thats how I read it also mate

Without knowing the young man personally, it's impossible to say. He could be repressing it; he could have gone through tremendous grieving in the past 7 months and is now trying to regain some normalcy in his life; or he might be a private person who doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve, or want everyone feeling sorry for him and thinking of him as "that poor kid whose mother died".

Callum, the way I read your initial post in this thread was, it was partly about that boy, but mostly it was about your own grieving process ... you identified with his experience, and it triggered some feelings inside you, which would be natural to happen. It takes a while to come to terms with someone close to us dying, and we do it the way we need to.

"Set a new course. There's coffee in that nebula." -- Capt. Janeway, Star Trek: Voyager

I would say it's simply -- moments. There are public moments where everything seems great and you've forgotten (temporarily) the heart ache... then there the moments where you lay in bed and cry yourself to sleep. You are probably the recipient of the public pain free moments...